What’s Left Unspoken

An Excerpt from Building Connections: Practical Ways that Financial Professionals Can Build Relationships and Communicate with Clients

Communication is both verbal and nonverbal. While many cite the statistic that 90% (or more) of communication is nonverbal, the actual percentage really doesn’t matter. The point of this statistic is we communicate with each other using our eyes, movements, facial expressions, and many things underneath the surface. If you’ve ever mistaken sarcasm or the tone of someone’s text message or email, you know this is true. Take the following two sentences, for example:

“Oh yes! I love that one!”

If someone says this to you face-to-face, they could say it sarcastically. They may lengthen out the LOOOOVVVEEE part to really show how much they dislike what you’re talking about. In an email or text message, this is much harder to do. Sarcasm just doesn’t come across as easily and the meaning is lost. More importantly, two very different meanings can be implied by the same sentence.

Many people felt disconnected during the pandemic and believed conversation was more difficult. We were left to communicate through video conferencing, telephone calls, emails, and text messages. The problem was not the technology, our words, or even our own efforts to communicate. We were just missing a vital piece of communication. We simply can’t communicate as well if we are left to words alone.

So, we need to be able to recognize nonverbal cues when we see them, since they are part of the conversation too. Here are some I have found to be most important:

• Folded Arms vs. Open Arms: Folding arms during a conversation generally indicates a degree of resistance or doubt. The gesture may not necessarily mean someone does not trust you, but they may be trying to ascertain the validity of your statements. Some of us do naturally cross our arms when a conversation begins, but this should not be a surprise — some of us tend to be more skeptical than others! In contrast, open arms indicate more receptivity or genuine curiosity.

So what should we do if a client crosses their arms during a conversation? I think it’s best to address this situation directly by asking a feedback question: “Does that make sense?” “I am not sure if I said that well. Was that helpful?” Or even, “Does that sound good to you?”

By asking these things, you open the door for the client to say verbally what they seem to be saying with their body language — they are not tracking with something you said. You are opening them up to engage with you and address their reluctance head on.

• Back in Chair vs. Forward in Chair: When we are actively engaged in something, we naturally move closer to it. We sit closer to family members and people we’re attracted to. We move closer to the TV when our favorite sports team is in a tight game. We even hold books closer when we are really into a story. If we are less engaged or something makes us uncomfortable, we naturally want to back away. We move our chair away when someone is being unnecessarily loud. We turn our head during an uncomfortable scene in a movie. We even shift away when we don’t want to talk about something.

This was the mistake I made in the meeting with the client in my opening story. I failed to recognize she was consistently shifting toward the door. Pay attention to how people sit and move during the conversation. If they seem to be moving closer, you’re probably saying something they care about. Their body language may be an indication to go deeper into the subject or more specifically connect them to it. If the client moves away, you may need to move on. In some cases, it may be best to address the elephant in the room: “I know this subject can be uncomfortable. Is there something I can do to help?” Sometimes confronting the discomfort can help move someone past it. Other times, it’s best to just move on to something else.

• Wandering Eyes vs. Locked Eyes: When a client has their eyes locked on you, they are either interested in what you are saying or (at the very least) are trying to understand more fully what you mean. Either of these responses are positive and indicate you should stay on the subject. In contrast, if the client is looking at other things, like their notes, the clock on the wall, or even their own feet, they are probably uncomfortable with what you’ve said or simply don’t care.

This is one I particularly notice when speaking to a large group of people. If the group is engaged, I can see their eyes (and heads turn) as I pace from one side of the room to the other. If they don’t care, they look at other things. You can do this in a one-on-one meeting with a client as well. If you’re not sure if a client is interested in the topic, try shifting in your chair. If their eyes follow you, you are probably on the right track.

• Mirroring: We tend to mimic people we like and are attracted to. If we are interested in an idea, we tend to repeat it. If we like what someone is saying and they shift in their seat, we tend to shift in ours. Mirroring relates to how we connect with each other. If you see a client move along with you, they are probably interested in what you’re saying. You’re headed in the right direction. One way to test this is to simply shift during the conversation. If they shift with you, then you’re doing well!

The point here is to raise awareness about body language rather than imply there are definitive rules in conversation. If we can make educated guesses about what a client is feeling or thinking during the conversation, we can better address the client’s needs and make the overall meeting experience much better. Perhaps the most important thing to recognize is when a client feels anxious.

Required Disclosure: This is not specific investment advice. Financial and Investment Advisory services offered through CFO Capital Management. Brokerage
and Custodial Services offered through TD Ameritrade Institutional, member FINRA and SIPC. CFO-CM and TDA are not affiliated. Tax services are provided by
Peters Tax Preparation & Consulting, PC and are not provided by CFO Capital Management.